ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
