You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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