just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
