he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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