I just pynch a tree in the face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
