Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize