I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize