i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
