Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
