Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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