Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
