Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Buhtt sex?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
