actually, I'm a sock model
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
