I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
