dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
