your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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