I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
