2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
