I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
