My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize