susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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