Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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