My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize