dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
