The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
