Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
