does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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