No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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