Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
