Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im holly from the hills drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
