He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
