she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
