OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
