Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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