Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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