my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
