she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize