He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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