I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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