Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
