oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
