I smell stomach acid.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
