just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
