What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
