apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
