He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
