Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
