RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
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