I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
