Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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