were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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