May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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