I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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