why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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