she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i out mim tonsoeep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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