Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
