Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
