I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
