I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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