You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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