one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
