my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
