No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize