i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
