so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
