I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had sex on a roof
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
