Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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