People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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