Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
